the united states of america, 230, of the western hemisphere, died today. cause of death has been ruled passive suicide.
born july 4, 1776 in philadelphia, pennsylvania, the united states (or u.s.a.) was the child of the blood of thousands of native americans, slaughtered for land and power. it spent the better part of its first century trying to find its footing in the global scene, overcoming rocky economical times, wars, civil and other, and many revolts and assasinations.
the industrial revolution ushered a new era of american dominance, and the relatively young nation became the world's first superpower, maintaining that position for nearly a century. and while the first part of its last full century saw a great depression which left thousands unemployed and starving, america's involvement in two world wars, and all of the economic benefits which accompanied them, cemented its recovery from these hard times. post-world war america was, and is to this day, the most successful and prosperous nation the planet has seen.
its health began to decline in 1963, however, when an enormously popular leader, john fitzgerald kennedy, was assasinated in dallas, texas. although the official report fingered a communist sympathizer by the name of lee harvey oswald, public cynicism grew with greater acceptance of the theory that kennedy was removed in a violent cout de tat by his own government. shortly after kennedy's death, a conflict between the united states and south vietnam, which began in the mid-1950s, escalated. the war claimed over 500,000 americans, millions of vietnamese, and divided the country. the u.s.a. left the war after nearly 20 years of involvement without a clear victory, and it never fully recovered.
by this time, television had changed the political landscape. the american psyche was no longer responding to qualities of substance, and began seeking leaders with the kind of charm and charisma they were finding on their favorite programs. this was often at the expense of integrity, ethics, intelligence, and honesty. business leaders and politicians became indistinguishable, and many scandals ensued, most famously, watergate, which led to the resignation of president richard nixon.
by the turn of the 21st century, government and business control over the american psyche was beginning to spin out of control. the first election of the century was extremely close, and was eventually decided by the supreme court. the winner, george w. bush, was placed in office by close confidents of his father, whom he had earlier appointed to the court during his own presidency. many thousands of african-americans, who presumably would have voted for mr. bush's opponent, albert gore, were removed from voting rolls in the southern state of florida and deemed ineligible with little or no explanation. many people involved in the disenfranchisement were given posts in the new administration, sparking numerous conspiracy theories. the new presidents brother was also governer of the state in question.
america was dealt its fatal blow not nine months after bush's inauguration, when religious fanatics, angry at america's arrogance and reckless disregard for the lives of muslims, hijacked four airliners. they flew two into the new york city skyline, destroying several buildings, including the twin towers, which had become symbols of american dominance. one was flown into the pentagon, the united states central military command, and one never reached its target, the u.s. capitol building, crashing in western pennsylvania.
widespread panic gripped the nation, and the attack was used as a pretext to invade iraq, a sovereign nation which the new administration had chosen as a target months before. iraq controlled the second largest reserve of oil in the world. after the war began, oil prices began to skyrocket, paralyzing the already strained middle class. oil profits were at all-time highs, and one company's ceo reportedly received a bonus of nearly half a billion dollars. the next several years were marked with political scandal, unprecedented redistribution of wealth to the top 1%, massive street demonstrations, decrease in value of the american dollar, and eventually the collapse of the united states' economy. rioting followed, many people were killed or left homeless, and government was disbanded.
the united states is survived by 280,000,000 citizens, a national debt of over 10,000,000,000,000, and two hands, covered in blood.
There will be no services.
