breakin' the law.

i had a crappy day.

i was driving to work around 8:15 this morning, and was stopped by a state trooper about ten minutes from my office. both officers stepped out of the cruiser and approached my window. the officer greeted me, mentioned that i was being recorded, identified himself, and proceeded to explain that he had stopped me because i was driving on a suspended license.

you can imagine my shock. it's the oldest excuse in the book, but i honestly, truly had no clue that my license had been suspended. it had been under suspension most of last year because of a traffic violation to which i had never responded. because i wasn't driving at that point, i just didn't bother with it. when i bought my car in january, i contacted the police, who referred me to penn-dot (pennsylvania department of transportation, for those out-of-towners who are unfamiliar with the world's most incompetent government agency). penn-dot gave me the information i needed to restore my license: which tickets i needed to pay, restoration fees, etc. i paid the tickets, sent the d-o-t a check, and drove off in my new-to-me sable.

but here was this man, crisp in his uniform, sleep in his eyes, telling me that all that had never really happened.

my dry mouth cracked as i struggled to grasp his words, and he retreated to his car to run my license. as i was sitting there, i went over possible scenarios in my mind: had they not received the check? had they incorrectly advised me? i did everything they said, and still no license? so i assumed i would get a ticket and have to abandon my car. i called my boss, told him i would be late, and began to consider how i would get to work.

after a few moments, the trooper returned and asked me to step out of the car. red flags everywhere. he walked backwards in front of me, guided me around to the back of my vehicle, and asked me to put my hands on my trunk. i had my key in my hand, so i put it in my pocket. he didn't like that very much. he yelled for me to get my hands away from my pockets, grabbed my arm and spun me around, forcing my hands against the cold white metal which enveloped my slowly dying automobile.

"sir, i'm on my way to work", i pleaded. he said everything would be explained in a moment as he slipped a particularly oppressive pair of handcuffs onto my wrists, almost completely cutting off the circulation in my hands. they turned me around to face them, and the first thing they told me was that i was not under arrest. could have fooled me. the officer went on to say that i had five outstanding warrants for parking tickets, all from 2004, and i would need to be brought to the police station to respond to them.

once we arrived at the station, i was remanded into the custody of a constable. i spent the better part of the morning in small, cement cells, waiting to appear before judges in several different district offices across the county. eventually, i was placed in a harness, one of those leather belt things with handcuffs in the front. the next few hours were a blur of signatures, promises to pay this and that, and general demeaning, dehumanizing treatment.

i was stopped, apprehended, thrown into a cell, and forced to make a very embarassing phone call to my boss (not to mention waste a personal day) because of parking tickets. i'm glad the streets are safe from people who can't seem to stay away from fire hydrants or read street cleaning signs. i understand that i didn't take care of my responsibilities, but does irresponsible behavior "warrant" that kind of treatment? what kind of fucked up, fascist police state arrests its citizens for failing to pay a ten dollar parking ticket? i'm definitely not going to murder anyone now (i had been considering it*) if this is how they treat parking violations.

p.s. i still can't feel my thumb. i think it might be dead.

*not really.