dumb bitches.

i just have to take a moment here to vent about my least favorite breed of the female species: the dumb bitch. dumb bitches are usually of above average attractiveness, below average intelligence, and i'm not sure about large cities, but they are quite plentiful here in my little suburban haven. they are also hard to define, so watch for these signs:

1) any girl who allows her right turn signal to flash for two miles or longer and then, finally, turns left.

2) any girl at a bar or club who has had about eight drinks too many and goes home with the first guy who is smart enough to act like they don't want it. (someone, somewhere, let it slip that all guys really want is sex, which is true, but these "ladies" actually expect these clever chaps to call them the next day? yeah, right. why buy the dumb bitch, when you can get it for free?)

3) any girl who, while talking to their fellow dumb bitches, utters the phrase "he's just scared" when talking about their marginally comitted "boyfriend". he's not scared. he's amused.

4) any girl who truly believes that everyone wants to see the area between her ass crack and belly button. there's a reason they have britney spears frozen in celluloid. she doesn't belong in real life. put the rest of your fucking shirt on.

5) any girl.

you see, ladies, if you dress like the last whore in the alley at 3 a.m., that's all people will think of you. you can't get mad that people don't notice your other qualities while you're shoving your breasts in their face. that's like painting your whole house magenta and then saying, "you haven't mentioned the garden!" wake up, dumb bitches, have some self-respect, and stop giving it away. oh, and hire drivers. you're dangerous.

p.s. this does not in any way include trouble or lore. i've managed to become good friends with not one, but two, intelligent, grounded, and lovely women of reason.