going to the chapel?

i'm not sure if i am going to get married. for most of my life, even post-closet exodus, i assumed i would get married someday, whether it was legal or not. of course it's not about the piece of paper or the legal recognition, but i always thought i would have a ceremony. a party. something.

while swimming in the notion that the cool, barefoot wedding on the beach might never happen, i started to think about my vows, and wondered what they would be. that got me thinking about old boyfriends. if i had ended up with any of these gentlemen, what would we have said to each other? what would the vows have been like in, say, a devin and bob wedding? probably a lot about drinking. and back hair. and his ex, because that's all we ever talked about.

my vows to kevin would be about mixed signals and, again, alcohol. brian would be about sex and...i can't say it again. i noticed then that most of my exes would have fairly negative reviews had there been a wedding. except one.

this would be my vow to him:

for all of my life i've been looking for some way to express every bit of passion that i feel for life. i write, i sing, but never has my passion been better expressed than with you. through us, i love with more certainty, breath more clearly, and live more fully. i will spend every day using that passion to love you and i will never leave you, not for anything. i will always be on your side, whether you are right or wrong, but i will also tell you when you're wrong. i will be yours until the breath leaves my body and the warmth escapes my skin, and i pass to the next world, whatever that may be. yours.